Episode 38: Ned is a giant macrophage but does not eat crusts

Monday

Ned is a giant macrophage but does not eat crusts: that’s right, the same guy who sustained himself on expired chicken broth for a week straight (!) refuses to eat the crusts of his sandwiches. I can’t decide if there’s even room in Ned’s psyche for hypocrisy—his mind’s all filled up with dreams of Costco deals and extracting his revenge upon me. 

As to the giant macrophage thing, I see him in the lunchroom well after lunch and here’s the verbal exchange that follows: 

“Have you eaten lunch?” I say. 

“Yes,” says Ned. 

“Then why are you eating those potatoes?” I inquire. 

“I don't know,” he replies, with a look that suggests that he’s genuinely confused. 

I address the perfunctory nature of his replies, to which he suggests that if we shorten our words, we’ll live longer. 

“So, I shortened your tendon, won't you live longer?” I say.

“Only my wallet's thinner” he quips. And, as he pushes past me to get back to his office, he adds this: “You owe me. You'll always owe me!”

How true, I think. Everyone always owes the giant macrophage something.