Episode 47: Ned still has rats

Thursday

Ned still has rats and he’s hopping mad about it. And, curiously, he has spillover rage against anything small and furry. I go to his office to commence our usual afternoon snack-run and his eyes are trained on a squirrel just outside his window. 

“Look at that god damn thing. It’s basically a tree rat,” he says, seething. “I should kill it.”

I ask him for an update on what I have taken to calling the “ratuation,” which he hates. 

“I bought coyote piss from the Internet,” he says. “Then, I soaked a sock with it, and smeared it all over the engine. Then I left the sock in the engine overnight.” 

“Did it work?” I ask, between gasps of laughter. 

“Yes, but when I drove my kids to school in the morning, we turned on the heater and now the whole car smells like coyote piss.” 

I’m laughing so hard after I leave his office that a passer-by in the hall asks me if I’m okay.