Episode 50 (Final Post!): Hakuna matata and the circle of Ned

Friday

Hakuna matata and the circle of Ned is what I am thinking about as I write this final post. The reason it is the final post is because Ned finally, at long last, got his revenge: I have an achilles tendon injury and Ned couldn’t be happier. 

I break the news to him in his office and it is a confusing emotional journey. Ned gets up from his seat, arms wide, and says “I knew it! I knew it! … I am so happy!” Then, he adds, “I’d jump up and down with joy, but you took that away from me.”

Then, he reaches his arms toward me, as if to hug me, but then I see that he’s going to strangle me. I begin a hasty retreat and Ned stops, confused. Clearly, there is something Freudian about this moment that we’re both too dense to understand.

“Tell me what happened,” he says, grinning like he’s won the lottery—his only other dream in life. “Tell me all the details. Does it hurt? I really hope it hurts a lot.” I tell him that it got strained during a run, and that it’s slowly healing. 

“You see,” he says, with deliberate wisdom. “This is why I don’t do anything anymore. This is what happens.”

Indeed, it does, Ned. Indeed, it does. Hakuna matata.