Episode 33: I walk into the lunchroom and see Ned pouring hot water into his teacup

Friday

I walk into the lunchroom and see Ned making tea. He puts the kettle down, then he swings one arm around in circles, like he's stretching out his shoulder.

"What's the matter," I ask him. "Is it your pecs from being so ripped?"

"No," he says. "I'm sore, here," as he points to his left shoulder. "I've been hitting the heavy bag lately," he adds with a wry smile.

We stare at each other for a few slow seconds, then something occurs to me: "Ned: is there a picture of my face on the heavy bag?"

"Yes," he says.

"Ned," I ask, again. "Did you draw it on there in Jiffy marker?"

"Yes," he says. "I am getting ready for our one-year anniversary. I have something... special planned."

He then offers me his used teabag. He's the mayor of Cheap Town, so this generosity is surprising. I reach out to accept his offer, but he scrunches up his face, like a child who hates the taste of something. Then, he dangles the teabag just before his mouth, licking the teabag in a lewd manner, laughing like a villain all the while. My eyes widen in disgust.

"Now we're even," he says. "Just kidding," he adds. "We'll never be even. I can't wait until our anniversary."

I retreat back to my office, wondering what sort of matrimonial contract I've stumbled into.