Episode 23: Ned's in fine fettle these days

Friday

Ned's in fine fettle these days. Rather than deploying me to go buy him a bag of Hawkins Cheezies, he's started to make the 500 metre shuffle to the cafe with me. In the bookstore, near the cafe, he shows off how well he can walk. He concentrates on lifting his stiff heel off the floor, but he doesn't swing his arms as he walks. This gives him the deportment of a limping mannequin.

"I like this flat floor," he says. "Makes it easier to walk."

"Looking good," I say.

"You know why else I like flat floors?" he adds. "Because when I stab you, the blood won't run as far, and it will be easier for me to clean up."

A few minutes later, as we’re walking down some stairs, he says that he was just kidding, back there. He waits a few seconds, and says this: “It would be wayeasier to push you down these stairs.”

I jog ahead, chuckling uncomfortably.