Episode 29: Ned is becoming obsessed with the mermaid

Monday

Ned is becoming obsessed with the mermaid. This morning, he wanders into my office earlier than usual, excited to see if she’s ready to burst the confines of her pickle-jar aquarium. I point out that I’m pretty sure that osmosis doesn’t work that way. We both soon realize that neither of us knows enough about osmosis to make educated guesses. Regardless, Ned’s upset that she’s not in a bigger home.

For several seconds, he knits his brow and contemplates the mermaid.

“I think her name should be Karma,” he says, with an air of whimsy.

“Why’s that,” I ask rhetorically.

“You know why,” he says. He then looks at me with half his mouth smiling and says this: “Y’know, if I was a merman, I’d be happy to date her.”

I suggest that this is a disturbing thing to say, and mutter something about the male gaze, and he counters this by saying that I should just make sure to change her water more often.