Episode 30: The mermaid has a new jar and Ned couldn’t be more thrilled

Wednesday

The mermaid has a new jar and Ned couldn’t be more thrilled. I haven’t seen him this excited since he ransacked a sandwich table at one of last year’s human-resources workshops. Ned never remembers what the workshops are about: only the bounty, or lack, of food on offer. 

If I had to guess, I’d say that he’s eaten close to 350 kg worth of triangle-shaped, crustless sandwich quarters since 1998, most of them ham.

“Eat some vegetables,” I say to him one day. “Your colon must look like the Somme.” He reminds me that potato chips are technically vegetables. But, I digress.

I fill the huge jar with fresh water, and place Karma in her new home. Ned is certain that she’s going to grow to fill the jar. It’s been weeks since she’s reached full size, I suggest, but he’s not convinced.

“Things take time,” he says. “Like your penance for what you did to my leg: only another 40 or 50 years to go.”

The mermaid stares back at me, watchful, and with an air of judgment.

In her cavernous new jar, it looks like she’s going to need 40 or 50 more years to go, too.